His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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