why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
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I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
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I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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