I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
