His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
