I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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