i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
