I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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