How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
