I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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