She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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