Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
