I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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