i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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