I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
