Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
