Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
