I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
