Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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