btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
