Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
