I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
