i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
