oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
