I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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