does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
