I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
