I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I need a beard to bite.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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