Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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