Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
