Christians are straight up FREAKS
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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