You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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