He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
