I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
