smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So many bounce houses so little time
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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