You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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