Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
