he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
