Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
