I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
