So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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