It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
