I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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