I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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