I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
