We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
