I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
