i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They are going to name an STD after you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
