If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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