So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
