Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
