So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
