I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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