Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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