I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
