2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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