No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
