Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
