my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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