garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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