My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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