Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
