She said her name was "party"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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