I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
