This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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