Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
