Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
