I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
