put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
