I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
