i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
why is half of my head shaved?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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