I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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