I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize