I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
