can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
