i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
