she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
