apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
